Tribute

Dear Dad,

For most people around the world today is just another day. But, for me, I still feel sorrow in my heart remembering that you passed away exactly ten years ago. It seems like such a long time. Some days I cope with things well and am really strong, and other days I still cry because I wish you were still here to be a part of my life. I wish you could have been there during so many special times throughout these last ten years. I have grown up so much. I graduated from college. I married a wonderful man. And I have a beautiful daughter Kelsey. I wish you could hold and spoil your granddaughter. But don't worry. I've told her all about you. I remember one day when she was just a few days old and she wouldn't stop crying. We couldn't figure out anything that was wrong, and nothing was calming her down. I just started telling her about you, and she was easily soothed.

Ten years ago today was the most surreal day of my life. I don't remember many other days when I was in seventh grade, but I remember this day well. Mom had to take me early to school for basketball practice, and you were still asleep when we left. I thought it was just going to be a normal Tuesday until I got to second period. I was in the middle of taking a Texas History test, and a student office worker came in with a white slip. Anytime a slip came in, I always wanted it to be me so I could get out of class, but it never was . . . until this time. I thought it was quite odd because I didn't have a doctor's appointment or anything. And why would I pulled out of class during the middle of a big test? All the note said was "Emergency." I was sent to the office and was told to wait for someone to come get me. I had no idea what was going on. I spent a while trying to figure out what kind of emergency could have happened. I was trying to imagine the worst things that could have occurred that I would be pulled out of class. I thought that maybe something happened to Kevin since he was away at his first semester of college. Or I thought perhaps you and Karen got in a car accident on the way to her school. I thought, at an absolute worst, that someone in our family was in the hospital because of some kind of accident.

Meanwhile, the seconds were ticking and tocking ever so slowly. I don't remember how long I waited in the front office, but I do remember it felt like at least an hour. After so much waiting and pondering, Brian and Bishop Kimball pulled up to the school. They took me outside and Brian gave me the news.

"Dad has died."

What? How could this be? I just saw him sleeping a few hours ago. That wasn't one of the things I thought could be the emergency. I was not prepared for this news.

I immediately started sobbing like I had never experienced. I didn't know how to react. It just didn't seem real. This wasn't actually happening to me. So many emotions running through my mind. All I could do on the outside was cry and curl up into the fetal position.

We drove back to the house, and I remember it seemed like a lot of people were there. Word had traveled fast. I kept crying on the couch because I didn't know what else to do. I wasn't supposed to go back to your bedroom. No one wanted me to see you like that. I remember some men started carrying your covered body out on a stretcher through the front door.

We had not eaten that day, so one of Mom's friends drove me to Wendy's in part to distract me and in part to get something to eat. I remember feeling as if my world had come to a complete stop. As we drove by my junior high, and all the other students were still having normal days going to all of their classes I thought, "Why didn't they know what was going on in my world? How could they still be going about their day as if nothing bad had happened?" I had never felt so empty.

I was somehow able to sleep that night, but it wasn't the same. I literally cried myself to sleep on a wet pillow. Angels must have been watching over me and bringing me peace.

I am so grateful for the things you were able to teach me when you were still here. You taught me to love music and showed me how it can bring so much joy to my life. I am grateful for the times when I was little and you would play the guitar and piano, and I could sing a long with you. I am grateful that you were able to attend my seventh grade Christmas concert the night before you passed away. I always tell myself that at least you got to see me sing one last time! My favorite memory of music with you is when we used to sing "Give Said the Little Stream." I sing that song with Kelsey almost every day because it's my way of letting her know she has a grandfather in heaven who loves her very much.

I am grateful for your example of generosity and willingness to serve. I know that you once helped a woman have the opportunity to visit her dying mother because she could not afford the trip on her own. I know that you provided for your family. I didn't realize how fortunate I was as a child until I got a little older and wiser. I know that you served many church and community members. You had several church callings that took up a lot of your time, but you did it all with a smile. I am grateful for your love of sports, and that you passed that on to me. You were probably the most serious T-ball coach in the world, but I appreciate that you loved coaching and watching me so much. While the other girls were doing cartwheels in the outfield, I was making double plays and chasing girls down to tag them "out."

I just want you to know how much I miss you and how much I love you. Not having you physically in my life these last ten years has been so difficult. I cannot begin to express all of the emotions I have felt. But, the one thing that keeps me going is truly KNOWING that I WILL see you once again. I know that with all of my heart, and that is why I can continue to be strong and feel at peace.

Love,

Megan